Are you talking yourself into problems?

I spend a lot of time listening to people; it’s an essential part of my job. One of the things I listen for is how the person talks to themselves, what words do they choose, what is the message they are sending? 

Recently, a client contacted me to ask for help with what he believed to be an impossible problem. Despite spending a considerable amount of time thinking and talking about the issue he just felt stuck. Hearing him describe the situation it was apparent that in his mind it was not an “opportunity” or a “challenge” to be overcome, it was a problem. Words such as “difficult”, “very hard” were combined with a feeling that he “must”, “had to” “should” find an immediate solution.

Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”. In other words, whatever you tell yourself will become your reality.  Telling ourselves that something is hard or impossible makes it so. In addition, we subconsciously increase our stress levels if we choose language that implies we are being forced to do something, that we have no choice. 

What are you telling yourself?

What might happen if you chose words which helped rather than hindered your ability to progress? 

For example, instead of telling yourself that learning a language is very hard, how would it be if you told yourself that learning languages comes easily to you?

Maybe you have decided to visit someone because you “have to” or “should do”, when you could make the visit because you “want” or “chose to”.

As you go about your day, pay attention to your choice of words.  Are you helping yourself to have a positive outlook?